Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Randomize
