Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
