My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
