Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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