I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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