I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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