rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize