$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
