My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
