Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Maybe he injected his testicle?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
