And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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