hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
