sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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