from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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