He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
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