I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
