i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
