im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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