We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
