Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
