don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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