we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's shark week go big or go home
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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