I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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