i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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