Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
