were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
