he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
