I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
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I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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