It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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