We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
PANTIES FOUND
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
