dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
