she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The air was thick with penises
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
