I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
