my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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