I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
