Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
my shit smells like andre
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
