Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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