You're my little dorito
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Randomize
