do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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