Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
