Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
