david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
