He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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