How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
