he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He? As in you personified your dick?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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