one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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