she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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