Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
