So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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