it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
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i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Damn victory sex feels great
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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