when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
