Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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