Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
