PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Can vaginas get frostbite?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
