You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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