By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
