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• (206): View more from Washington

  I will die if light touches me.

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.

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• (716): View more from New York

  Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.

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  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

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• (626): View more from California

  it was like eating out sand paper

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate

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• (308): View more from Nebraska

  Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.

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  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...

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