That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
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HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.