Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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