You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I currently don't understand fingers.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
