I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex