She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
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So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
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How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo