I will die if light touches me.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
it was like eating out sand paper
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...