I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just threw up on my dentist
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
