Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.