Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
