ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
