please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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