we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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