I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
