Where did you get a picture of my penis
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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