Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
