sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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