I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
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I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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