Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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