my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
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I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
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Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.