so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
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that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
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It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES