There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.