Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?