Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
