You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
