wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
